elevator to the moon.

so i just downed a small godiva hot chocolate, and what was going to be a medium pepsi until the burista insisted that i get a venti because it was only fifteen cents extra...
i'm a sucker for deals.

so now i'm at home sitting in my winter jacket because it's freezing inside my house much like it actually is outside. the temperature of my house reminds me of something i wrote in ninth grade...

i believe it ended with something like...

but at least i have a tiny computer room
that is keeping me warm.

and locked away
from the rest of

a quiet house.


how much hope i did hold inside my heart at that time,
oh how i miss those days before i became corrupted behind closed doors, and whispered words.

oh ignorance was bliss, and i seemed to have found myself in the middle of it all. but tomorrow is tuesday, and i have no idea how i want to take this day in my head yet. normally i would just be satisfied with letting it brush over me and going threw the motions until i get home and have to focus on my homework, no real feeling needed just the surface hello's and smiling face. but i'm done with it.

starting now,
i'm demanding respect. i want to like myself so much, you'd think that wouldn't be much of a challenge, but truly my worst critic is always myself, never good enough, never happy...it's absolutue torture and it doesn't stop until my head hits the pillow and my eyes close and i'm allowed to imagine a better world.

i do not know where the rest of my life will take me, but tomorrow i want to be a different person a happier person.



well i have to read the awakening and finish this essay, and by the looks of my caffine intake the past hour, it's going to be a while until i get some relief from my inner critic...
well au revior
tyler...
at least i know your reading this.





[maybe you will always be just a little out of reach]