The Truth.

This isn't a chance for you to mock me
or a chance to praise me on how strong i am to be admitting this to myself.
this is something i'm doing for me
in a semi-public place
because..
i'm admitting it...
to someone.


Let's start from the beginning.

1. I can almost never keep a secret.
I say almost...because I have kept secrets before
they're big..
but they are kept.

2. I gossip.
It's a habit, a complete weakness
and a very unattractive part of my personality..
but I have to come to terms with it
before I can start to change.


3. I believe in God but...
I doubt it constantly.
This weekend at Mars Hill...I heard this quote
Doubt and belief make faith.
I will grow in my faith...
because...truthfully...
it's the only thing I have sturdy in my life.

4.I stand up for things.
but despite popular belief I am very capable of being torn down.
I don't have all my information memorized..
however..
I know what I believe
and i know what I want and why I want it...
If I tell you I don't...
this brings me to five

5. I lie...because I know
deep down inside it's either
A. something I don't want to hear
or B. something you don't want to hear
I'll admit it to myself later.

6. I want to save myself
for the sanctity of marriage
I know that sounds ridiculous but honestly...
If I had sex now...
I would never forgive myself.


7. I constantly need to be forgiven.
i say sorry more than a person ever should
I think i mean it about half the time...
it was something I was trained to say.
i'm not just blaming it on that either
because alot of the times when I say I'm sorry
I already know it's your forgiveness i should be seeking
not my own pride.







there's so much more...but honestly
I'm only two cups into this pot of coffee
and I have a lot more left to say.