"Who are you?...

how much of our pain is caused by not knowing
how to answer that question?"
-rob bell














who am i?

24 oz of coffee.

Tomorrow,
I'm going to the six o clock service at mars hill...
and I'm not apprehensive per say...but
i just...




I feel like things are actually starting to fall into place..
even though everything seems to be falling apart...




things are just starting to make sense.



It's almost one o clock in the morning...
my mom's stalker just called.
and jordan cooper is trying to get a rise out of me.













but none of that matters
because things are becoming
so much less foreign to me.

The Truth.

This isn't a chance for you to mock me
or a chance to praise me on how strong i am to be admitting this to myself.
this is something i'm doing for me
in a semi-public place
because..
i'm admitting it...
to someone.


Let's start from the beginning.

1. I can almost never keep a secret.
I say almost...because I have kept secrets before
they're big..
but they are kept.

2. I gossip.
It's a habit, a complete weakness
and a very unattractive part of my personality..
but I have to come to terms with it
before I can start to change.


3. I believe in God but...
I doubt it constantly.
This weekend at Mars Hill...I heard this quote
Doubt and belief make faith.
I will grow in my faith...
because...truthfully...
it's the only thing I have sturdy in my life.

4.I stand up for things.
but despite popular belief I am very capable of being torn down.
I don't have all my information memorized..
however..
I know what I believe
and i know what I want and why I want it...
If I tell you I don't...
this brings me to five

5. I lie...because I know
deep down inside it's either
A. something I don't want to hear
or B. something you don't want to hear
I'll admit it to myself later.

6. I want to save myself
for the sanctity of marriage
I know that sounds ridiculous but honestly...
If I had sex now...
I would never forgive myself.


7. I constantly need to be forgiven.
i say sorry more than a person ever should
I think i mean it about half the time...
it was something I was trained to say.
i'm not just blaming it on that either
because alot of the times when I say I'm sorry
I already know it's your forgiveness i should be seeking
not my own pride.







there's so much more...but honestly
I'm only two cups into this pot of coffee
and I have a lot more left to say.

today

I found out that I have bigger things to think about

than debating my life and death,

neither of which I have that much control over anyway.

I am a speck in the universe.

And I hope to have faith even bigger than that.

I could talk about how upset I am,

worried...or completely disorientated...

or I could ask you to pray...

so pray...would you?

Will I wake to find you waiting by my bedside?

Will I wake to find you waiting by my side?




So many thoughts left mangled,
so many knots need to be untangled..


I would rather lie here and write nonsence
and sit in a desheveled mess,
falling back into sleep.

Secretary of a Call Girl.

i watched an entire season...
in one day.













my paper still isn't done,
but I get to play with my camera now..

Though I'm young and cynical.

It's not my only crime
I've been stealing all your cigarettes.










Donde es mi cabasa?






I miss being completly lost in language.

Mah-Ree-Ella

happy in her own little world.

glue-ing my lips together.

So

I'll never have to speak.

Simply knowing you exist...Ain't good enough for me

i love kate nash.
thanks cambreeeah.





speaking of her
she's going to be mad because i'm not reading.







i'll get ready
then read a chapter of
death.

i proceeded to get drunk and cry.

i should be doing my summer reading.




we flew my kite today
and everyone [including myself]
have been in really moods.







we might get on
we could get on
we should get on...

You Change your mind

like a girl changes clothes

















i had a long conversation with my mother today.
and now
all i have to do is get that job at egg roll house.





and my junior year.
is SET.

I'm freaked out and fucked up

and I want to show you a cure for you hiccups.










this.
is.
what.
i want.
to be.












Underground
by kimya dawson.

p.s.
nate
sorry I'm a tease
jordan
you're a jerk
I don't ever want to see you again


cambria













i will fail more times than you can count.
I don't know why anyone is still my friend.

I spoke to soon.

I have to work today







and I thought about it...




Go ahead and do whatever you want with him
I'm over it.









Time can't stop me
Airplanes can't stop me
Parthenon walls go up fourty feet
around an even higher mountain with greece surrounding.








I should've jumped
when I had the chance.

wide awake at four a.m.

everything is exactly the way I left it.






this is both good and bad.








time to start uploading pictures.